Rachel Naomi Remen, writer and professor of integrative medicine, tells of the blessing her grandfather, a rabbi, had for her. He always called her Neshume-le, which means “little beloved soul.” When her mother was very old, Rachel told her mother about her grandfather’s blessings. And her mother looked at her with great sadness and said, “You know Rachel, I’ve prayed for you every day of my life, but I never had the wisdom to do it out loud.”

The practice of lovingkindness is a way to live these blessings out loud, even if out loud is only a whisper to one’s self, to one’s soul. It is a way to live our love for our family and friends, for our benefactors, for people we know and don’t know, even people we dislike, for every person and every being with whom we share this earth. And it is a way to bestow that blessing on ourselves, to recognize the deep worth of our own wondrous souls. No one has ever laid on their death bed and thought: I wish I had beat myself up more often.

Below are a few traditional lovingkindness (metta) phrases. You can start with a simple set and change them, as well as add other phrases, in whatever way feels most natural and authentic to your true self and your deepest intentions.

• May I be filled with lovingkindness.
• May I be well.
• May I be happy.
• May I be safe.
• May I be peaceful.

If you are are feeling inadequate or unworthy, consider phrases of compassion:

• May I be kind to myself.
• May I accept myself as I am

Or if the suffering stems from external circumstances:

• May I accept my life as it is.
• May my heart find ease.

(For simplicity’s sake, these phrases are written in first person; you would change the pronouns as you extend lovingkindness to other people.)

It is important to find a language that feels true. If “May I” doesn’t feel right to you, you might want to use “I wish to be,” or, “I hope . . .” or, “I want.” You can also add “as possible” if that is more realistic: “May I be as safe as possible.” And don’t be shy about inventing your own phrases that feel appropriate for you, right now. A short practice I use all the time is: May I be loving. May I be loved. May I be able to receive love in whatever way it is offered.

Traditionally, metta practice begins with the self and then extends outward through circles of connection: a person or being toward whom you feel easy, unconditional love; a benefactor; a friend, a neutral person, a difficult person, all people and all beings everywhere. For many of us, though, it is hard, especially at first, to offer lovingkindness to ourselves. If that is your experience, begin your practice by directing the phrases as someone toward whom you feel unconditional love — this might be a family member, friend, or spiritual leader; it can be a child or a beloved pet. Then hear them saying the phrases back to you. Now, if it feels right, you can direct the phrases toward your self… “May I be … ”  As you are ready, move outward through the circles of connection.

You don’t need to practice for each circle of relationship in each meditation. Trust your instincts, and listen to what your heart is requesting. Many deeply experienced practitioners report spending days – even months – on a single phase, most especially practicing lovingkindness toward the self.