The art of communication—deep listening and loving speech—are particularly important when a relationship is in trouble or when someone we know needs help. Before we can communicate with others skillfully, it helps to be in good communication with ourselves, and the same skills of deep listening and loving speech come into play.
- Continue regular sitting or walking meditation practice. It can be helpful to set an intention: that you will, for instance, practice five times during the week for at least ten minutes each time. Be realistic, and then do your best to stick to it.
- Read Chapter 1 of Tara Brach’s book Radical Compassion, “Learning to Love Yourself and Your World with the Practice of RAIN,” available to read for free online here.
- Practice RAIN at least once during the week. Guidance with the process is helpful, and Tara Brach offers a number of guided meditations and other resources on her website:
- Bringing RAIN to Difficult Emotions: a 30-minute guided meditation You can access a pdf of this RAIN process here.
- Using RAIN to work with fear.
- Using RAIN to work with blame.
- Using RASIN to work with self-blame.
- Using RAIN to work with the wanting mind.
RAIN can be particularly powerful when practiced with a partner. Tara explains the process, and offers a guided practice, here.
4. If RAIN does not seem particularly helpful to you, there are other models for self inquiry. The Work of Byron Katie is a way to question our beliefs and narratives through a series of four questions followed by turnarounds. I have worked with this process (and in fact attended a 10-day training with Byron Katie) and find it very powerful. A student alerted me to the AWARE process—mentioned in this article “15 Things Therapists Do When They’re Worried About The Future“—and it sounds promising but I don’t have personal experience with it. Whatever model you use, be patient and try more than once. It takes time to learn any new skill, and self inquiry is not only a skill but an art.